Keith Harris, God of entertainers…

Following on the from the Chuckle Bros, I have decided to email Keith Harris’ agent.  Once again, as soon as I get a reply, I’ll let you know.

Dear Sir.

I am writing to you to enquire about the possibility of booking the legend that is Keith Harris, along with those two playful scamps Orville and Cuddles.  I am a member of an extremely popular website (described by the Guardian as a puerile digital arts community). Our members and contributors regularly meet up several times a year to chat, gossip and drink ourselves into our geek related oblivion.  However, we have recently discussed the option of hiring an entertainer for the evening and Keith Harris was top of our list after Jar Jar Binks, who is apparently filming a Tampax commercial in Tijuana.

I actually saw Keith Harris live at Cromer Pier  when I was a child, and even now have warm memories of that day.  In fact every single time I get to bounce a bird on my knee, I flash back to Keith….his bouffant hair, his leather jacket gleaming in the spotlights, the warmth of his hand and the scent of Old Spice and a wave of pure pleasure runs through me.

Anyway I digress,  the point of this email would be to discover if Keith would be available to perform a small gig for a group of perhaps 20-30 adults aged about 18 – 40.  We all remember Keith with pure glee and would love to relive our childhood a bit.   Who can forget the sheer brilliance that was Orville’s Song – one of the first records I ever bought.  The lyrics touched a generation of disaffected children.  “I wish I could fly, right up to the sky but I can’t” – these words showed us the angst, futility and despair that is life in a way that The Smiths could not begin to touch.  And then Keith, his voice warm, kind and paternal spake unto Orville those magic words: “you can” – oh how our hearts filled with joy when we realised nothing was impossible.  We could hope, we could dream, WE COULD FLY!  This feeling was to stay with us throughout our teens giving us reason to go on, and in the case of my good friend Matthew those words along with some pharmacological experimentation meant that YES – he could fly, albeit it briefly and downwards.

We have no date or venue planned as yet.  We were just wondering about the cost of hiring Mr Harris and his Fluffy Associates for the evening.  We can work with him regarding date, although a Saturday would be most convenient for us.

Kindest Regards,

Marc “I hate that duck” Crane.